What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize