how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
