Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
