i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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