Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
