There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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