weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
