OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
