I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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