i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Houston, we have a squirter
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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