He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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