his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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