oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
