I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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