i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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