Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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