somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dignity is for republicans.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
