pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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