mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drunk is not a location!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
