it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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