If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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