Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
