i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
