He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
