I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
