She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
