Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
