Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
