Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
