I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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