1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
