I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
