She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
