Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
