My sheets look like a crime scene.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
