I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
