Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
