Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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