Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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