I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
