So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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