Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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