I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
