And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have feelings that need drinking.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
