idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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