I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize