My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
