My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
