Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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