I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
