take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Buhtt sex?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
