why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize