I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize