I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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