i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
