I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
