Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize