So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
