nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Randomize
