I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
