i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
