They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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