If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
