u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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