final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
